The Mountains of the Mind

Mt Wellington Hobart

Hobart was now two weeks ago. As yet I have no real results of my MRI scan. However it is almost certain they have found now “white areas” on my scan. That is areas of demyelination in the nerves of the brain and spine. This is the stuff of MS. In the corresponding time since my last scan much has changed within my own body. I have endeavoured to live a life that is healthy as is possible for my condition. This means a lifestyle that pays attention to the things that aggravate or hastens its spread.

Mt Olypmpus Central Highlands Tasmania

Two of the greatest triggers I have found to my condition are stress and heat and to a lesser degree getting over-tired. Even a small increase in ambient body temperature assists in triggering a relapse in symptoms. Most classically in my case is pain and diminished vision in the eyes, greatly exacerbated fatigue and muscular spasticity. Simplistically put a rise in body temperature hinders the effective transmission of neurological signals through the many (multiple) scar tissues (sclerosis) produced as a “repair” to lesions. A simple experiment (something I don’t do!) is to have long hot showers/baths or saunas or even heavy exercise in warm temperatures. After a warm shower I can almost instantly feel the nerves misfire. As I obviously have an active lesion in my spine at present, I can feel an electric current tingle in my neck, especially if I move forward. Thermal stress as I have just explained can similarly trigger a relapse caused by emotional stress though this connection is not so unanimously understood or agreed upon

Frenchmans Cap Western Tasmania

Since my return from Hobart I have had a pretty horrendous ten days really with periods of savage fatigue (the fatigue is hard to describe, Its state of great sickness far more revolting than just merely being very tired). Most disturbingly there has been the development of a new series of muscle spasms around my mid trunk on the left side of my body, giving sensations ranging from severe backache to stomach cramps. Just to touch the muscles in this area gives a burning sensation as the muscles spasm and tense. Massage helps greatly but sadly sometimes its results are short lived. I also have had agonizing pain behind my right eye giving me tunnel vision and a painful sensation of a knife twisting in your brain and pressing on the sinuses. It’s possible that this is caused by the swelling of a brain lesion I have near my inner right ear.

Mt Rufus Western Tasmania

The combination of pain spasms and fatigue lead to a contraction in my world. I can feel myself emotionally turn in and close down. My world shrinks to the confines of the small walls of the room let alone the outer walls of the house. My mental landscape creates mountains in the mind of much great height and inaccessibility than the craggy peaks I see the winter rains from my window. Everything in life suddenly takes on an epic proportions and seemingly small tasks become a Mt Everest-of-the-mind. It’s not till the symptoms ease and the leaden tight grip of pain and fatigue begins to ease that one really realises how ill you have felt

Mt Pelion West Western Tasmania

I have learnt now with my MS when this “cloud descends” that I just have to ride with it. It’s pointless to play martyr to it, but just ride it out and be as kind to my body as I can. It’s a time to let go of notions of what one “should be doing”, and just try and live within ones own energy means. I have learnt in these times that the “sun will come out again to shine” that like all things it will pass. This is a difficult process of just being able to “let go” it very much runs against the whole psyche of our very interventionist world today. It is however not a process however of hopelessness, but of just realising that there is a certain process taking place that is difficult to stop, and to remain calm focused and not fight it is indeed the quickest way to recover. I use meditative powers of staying calm, centred and relaxed to ease my way through this storm.

The Sun is Rising at last! Mt Farrell Tullah from my window...

I now feel that again I have come out on the other side. Again the boundaries of my world and imagination spread again beyond these mere four walls and venture out into the world again. Time again now to re enter my creative world that I live in … and the sun has come out to shine!